"There are places I'll remember...

all my life, though some have changed..."

In what seems like an eternity ago, (but truly was only 5.5 years... maybe i am getting dimensia), someone special mailed me a mixed cd while I was living in southern Germany. This person did not stop with the normal 18-ish tracks but instead took head on the challenge that mp3 format provides and put over a hundered songs on said disk. I popped it into my broken laptop that could only handle two tasks: playing music and solitaire (I seem to have a knack for destroying laptops whenever I go to Europe...) and was awestruck as song after song took me to new places, inspired me, sometimes made me just want to stare at a wall. I realized that this was probably the best mixed disk anyone would ever create for me, each song placed intentionally upon the shiny surface it just for me. This person really knew me, heart and soul, inside and out. I was humbled.

But just because something is perfect for a moment of your life does not mean you keep it forever... and like the beautiful southern German city that had become my home, like the friends I returned to, like so many things in this amazing life, I left behind the person who created and sent me the disk, but did so with a full heart, knowing that one does not have to hold on to everything but can take pieces of it with them always as they chart new courses.

So as I rode to work for my last time on the old yellop number 142 marshootka, the Beatles created the soundtrack for my thoughts as I prepared to leave Moscow. I smiled as I relfected on the past month:

On Marina and Valentine who had become my weekend warriers, who would take me in that last weekend and host me in their one room home, as we watched the simpsons together, debated gender roles in marriage, and shared our dreams of houses with gardens and nice kitchens.

On my amazing job. The chances I took by coming to Moscow for an internship I had created with a director who no longer worked at Big Brothers Big Sisters (a place that had even had an intern before), well distasterous could have been the outcome. On the contrary, I got to work under a great businessman who gave up his earning potential and prestigous job to work in a nonprofit, but kept his clear head and business savvy attitude, skills that are desperately needed in this up and coming Russian NGO sector. He gave me projects, deadlines, and most importantly, he made me use all that stuff I have been studying, not just to write papers, but to have meetings with him where we would both just throw ideas at each other, yell at each other, and just get excited about where the young organization would go under his leadership and with the work of his team.

Usually I spend July 4 with family, poolside at Aunt Lydia's enjoying a bbq... but year, I think I actually had more fun as I spent that Saturday bouncing around like a 10 year old on Red Bull and pixy stix and, giving out flags, and trying to charm people into becoming volunteers for BBBS

And my hosts. What words do you have for people who have no idea who you are but are willing to take you in, to share their culture, their hopes and concerns, their time and their laughter. I know I leave this country with friends.

Sergei who loves American cars, Italian women (part of the reason they took me in, haha! it was an American who was just living in Italy!), and providing for his family. (For the record, he was pretty relieved when I showed up and was not 500 lbs and refrained from eating everything in their house... ah stereotypes- not to worry, I retalliated by shaking my head in utter disbelief when he told me he doesn't like vodka, telling him he actually did but just doesn't remember)

Nadia- her free flowing laughter eminated her warm soul; a humble yet beautiful woman who prepares such simple food every day with so much love you think you are being spoiled every time you eat. Not a dream enters her head that doesn't involve a better life for her children and husband yet she is grateful for the blessings they currently appreciate and wants for little.

Dear little Pasha, who is unsure we can get married when he is older because I may be a little too old, but for now is fine with being friends.



And Katya, my little girl who calls me her aunt.

*************************************************************************************

Sitting outside Moscow's world famous metro line, trying out one a cigarrette marketed towards women. They are very slim, and have pink flowers on them. (No no, I am not a smoker, but I do like to experience as fully the culture as possible. Plus, how often can you get fancy smokies that cost less than a dollar a pack?) Dressed in a mini skirt and nice blouse, I sat there getting my picture taken and decided I felt wonderfully girly. So this is why Russian women dress this way, smoke special cigs, wear crazy heels... you can't help but love embracing your feminity any way you can in a city that often forgets the virtues of chivalry...
Moscow, Moscow, you never seem to completely release me from your strangely provacative grip. I will return.

i know i'll never lose affection for people and things that went before. I know i'll often stop and think about them...

In my life, I've loved them all.